Manolo for the Beauty

Last week I asked how you felt about one Ms. Jane Fonda and her plastic surgeries.  32% of you felt that due to her bulging bank account and profession, her aging process should be considered anything but normal.   30% of you felt that due to her multiple plastic surgeries, she’s had quite the bit of assistance, and so no one should be looking to her as an aging role model.  24% think that yeah, she’s been under the knife, but she’s done a great job of it so far.  And finally a generous 12% of you think she looks fabulous, and that is all that matters.

So of course, today I want to know about you.

YOU MUST WATCH THIS

Now, it seems this device was originally made for people who needed to regain muscle strength in their faces after a stroke, so don’t think I’m knocking it.

But this particular ad is both mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time.

Readers of this blog will remember back in the beginning of March, I had quite the bit of hair-related angst going on, as evidenced by this Monday Beauty Poll.  Based on the overwhelming positive votes given to a fairly drastic hair change, on March 4 I entered my salon and entrusted my new hairstyle to my longtime stylist.

I had no idea what she was going to do, I just told her to chop a bunch of hair off and that I knew she would do me right.  My hair had been long, all one length, and I told her she could layer it, which was a big deal for me.  My only requirement was that I needed enough length to put it up in a ponytail.

When she did the dramatic chair turnaround a la What Not to Wear, I really didn’t know if I liked it or not.  It was choppy, much shorter, and it was a look I had never seen on myself.  It also didn’t help that she styled it to look a bit like Jennifer Aniston’s hair on Friends, which I disliked.   I walked out of the salon slightly traumatized, reminding myself that it was, after all, only hair.  I reassured myself that it would grow back in no time.

But then the next day I washed it out, styled it myself, and eventually I discovered that I loved my new haircut.  Like really REALLY loved it.  It made me look younger, it had tons of movement, and my husband even liked it just as much as my old style.

Then, on March 23, along came goddamn Brooklyn Decker.

“BROOKLYN DECKER CUTS HAIR!” screamed all of the headlines.  I’m not a big peruser of Sports Illustrated, so I didn’t really know who she was, but I looked at the photo of her and gasped.

She had MY HAIR.

Oh sure, the back of hers is a bit shorter, but from the front, our hair looks exactly the same.  The color is pretty close too, except hers is a bit lighter.

Except I did it first!

But nobody except my friends and family know that.  The people at the grocery store don’t know.  Nor the people at the bank, or the restaurant.

So of course, now everybody thinks that I, the 40 year old mother of two, copied the young bikini model’s haircut in order to breathe some vitality into my decrepit lifestyle.

Curse you, Brooklyn Decker!  It wasn’t enough that you were born genetically blessed, are married to a multimillionaire sports figure, and are now pursuing a serious acting career.

Oh no, you had to go and snatch this poor suburban housewife’s moment away from her in your perfectly manicured hands.  People now look at me and think, oh, how cute she looks with Brooklyn Decker’s haircut.

Thanks a lot.

Bitch.

What can I say, I’m a bar-soap in the shower kind of gal.

Even with all the bajillions of liquid soap options out there for me, I prefer a to use a bar, period.  Based on the bar soap to liquid soap ratio I see on store shelves, I’m a dying breed.

Up until very recently, I’ve used whatever bar soap they carried at Costco, mostly some version of Dove.

But unlike years past, my skin would be dry and flaky (oh the joys of getting older) and I just didn’t feel totally clean.  I always felt like there was some sort of residue on me, and don’t tell me to use the liquid soaps, because those are even worse.

Enter Dr. Bronner’s.

This soap, it changed my life.

Full disclosure, I am an unpaid products tester for a PR firm that deals with all-natural products.  Well, I get paid in products, but not cash.  One day I was sent a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Castile Soap in its liquid form.  I used it because even though I dislike liquid soap, the agreement was that I try it out and rate it.  And try it out, I did.

Religious and other rantings on the label aside, I am inloooove. 

You are skeptical.  I can sense it.  In love with a soap, eh Glinda?

I have never used a liquid soap that smelled so wonderful and produced so much lather.  Nor made me feel almost obscenely clean.  And despite my recent Dove habit, I’ve used some pretty expensive soaps in my time. Warning, though, if you use the Peppermint on your private areas, it will make them tingle.  And not necessarily in a good way.  Not in an “oh-god-shoot-me-now” way but more like a “damn-I-need-to-rinse-this-stuff-off-ASAP” kind of way.  Once it is off,  though, its off and there are no ill after-effects.

So after trying the liquid, I found out the soap also comes in bars. The heavens opened up and the angels trumpeted and smiled indulgently as me as I eagerly bought the almond version.   I adore almond scent and nobody makes anything with an almond scent any more.  At least, not that I can easily find.

The aromatherapy aspect is reduced with the bar soap, but it is every bit as effective. You can use it to shave, and I assure you it is just as good if not better than using a product like Skintimates or something similar.  You can use it on your face in a pinch as well, although I wouldn’t personally recommend it for every day.  It comes in many scents, including lavender and citrus and one especially for babies, which I am so totally going to buy for my toddler once I use up the California Baby stuff I’m currently on. Oh yeah, and you can wash your floors and veggies with it too. 

Now, let me get a little TMI with you.  If you don’t want to read anything vaguely TMI, skip the next sentence or two.  I have always been self-conscious about my lady-bits and any smells that emanate from that area.   It seemed that no matter how much I cleansed, some kind of smell would eventually arrive.  Can I tell you that this soap has stopped that IN ITS TRACKS.  My lady garden now smells like NOTHING.  It is amazing.  I cannot promise that it will do for you what it did for me, but I swear I will never stop using this soap. 

And my veggies have never smelled better, either.

Ah yes, I had to move the poll to a Tuesday AGAIN, but I promise it will be the last time for many moons. 

Last week I had the audacity to ask how you tended your lady-garden, and only 17% of you were offended and basically said it was none of my beeswax.  Much less than I expected!  The highest vote-getter was a lush version, with 32%.  The next-highest was a garden that was meticulously groomed, and 21% voted for the dirt patch.  I really wanted a better way to express the “no hair’ option, but nothing went well with the theme I had going.  I personally prefer the dirt-patch option, but it has zero to do with wanting to look like a porn star or harken back to my prepubescent days (common assertions about those of us who prefer this look) but more of a comfort issue than anything else.  It just feels better to me. 

Today’s question is much less invasive, to which at least the 17% mentioned above are heaving a sigh of relief. 

Jennifer Aniston’s new hair style, which I’m not a big fan of, got me thinking.

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Unless you hate Valentine’s Day, and if so, then Valentine’s Day sucks!

I’m all about keeping you happy.

Today I’m going to postpone the normal Monday Beauty Poll (as fascinating as it was) in favor of some of the wackness that always comes to the Grammy’s red carpet.  I think that the Grammys are by far the loosest red carpet of the awards season, and many of the performers are more than happy to bring teh crazy.

Not an overly crazy red carpet this year in beauty, but there are always, er, colorful looks to discuss.

It’s always good to have a visual reminder of why blue shadow right up to the brow should stay in the 1970′s. Thank you, Adrienne Lau, for being this year’s sacrificial lamb.  I DO NOT want to talk about the Boob Canyon.

Does someone like Cyndi get an automatic pass no matter what?  Because her hair reminds me of this.  I’m pretty sure that’s a bad thing.

It always baffles me to see multi-millionaires with horrific, ratty-ass hair extensions.

Eva, we can see the white under your eyes, and we don’t want to. I read somewhere that her uber-white undereye thing was due to HD makeup, but nobody else looks like that. Fire your artist, hon.

When M.A.C. creates a lipstick in your name, I’m guessing you get a lifetime supply.  I’m prepared to see Nicki Minaj with this lipstick for the next ten years.

More crabbiness after the jump…

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In a few short months, I will be hitting the big four-oh.  I’m not particularly upset about it, as I’ve found that whole line about “getting better with age” thing to actually be true.

Up until this point, I have not done a whole lot with the skin on my face.

I don’t know why, because for decades, I abused the crap out of it by tanning relentlessly and not wearing sunscreen while out and about.  About ten years ago, I stopped tanning purposely (but I tan easily, so I get color no matter what) and started wearing at least SPF 15 makeup and/or lotion during the day. Luckily, I’ve got some good genes and some oily skin, and up until now, I’ve been able to get away with my minimal effort. Contrast this with my college roommate, who at the tender age of twenty would assiduously apply cream every night before she went to bed.  Because, she said, it was never too early to try and stop those wrinkles!  We didn’t last long as roommates.

I made one attempt after the recent birth of my daughter to use a night cream, and I was unfortunate (some would say stupid, but to them I say shush)  enough to choose a product made with retinol.  I say unfortunate because I was breastfeeding at the time and it upset my daughter’s delicate tummy.  I only used it for two days (the effect on her was that fast) and returned it.

But I’m a sucker for punishment, and back in the face cream game.  I’ve got a Sephora gift card burning a hole in my wallet, and after much research, I’m torn between a couple of products.

The Caudalie Vinoperfect looks pretty good, but it’s expensive and might actually be too much for my already oily skin.  I know many people, though, who swear by Caudalie products.

Yet Hope in  Jar doesn’t seem like quite enough.  Yet I also know many people who swear by HIAJ.

Anybody got any tips for me?  What is your favorite night cream?

Apparently, the whole “youth” thing isn’t really all that new, is it?

I had a conversation with my sister not too long ago, and we were talking about what we thought we were going to look like as we got older.   “You’re either a sinker or a sagger,” quoth my sibling, and I agree with her.  Madonna, shown here at the opening of her new gym venture in Mexico, is apparently fighting the sinking like a wild gerbil.

It is not in nature for one’s body to be muscle-y and sinewy, as Madge’s is, and yet have the plump cheeks of a two year old. In fact, her entire face looks very, uh, full. And not necessarily in a good way.

I don’t know what she has implanted and/or injected into her cheeks, but it just doesn’t look right.

This is what she looked like a few years ago, and the difference is very obvious.  That face fits her body.  The one at the gym opening doesn’t.

At least she’s on trend with the red lipstick.