Manolo for the Beauty

Uhhh, yeah, I don’t know who is getting paid to write stuff like that when these celebrities CLEARLY have makeup on. Yes, it is natural-looking, but nobody has pink shiny lips without some kind of assistance. Not even Jessica Biel. Er, Timberlake.  Whatever.

It started with this photo of Cindy Crawford. “CINDY HAS NOT A STITCH OF MAKEUP ON!” the article screamed. Uh, no, she does. It’s a bit hard to see in this photo, and the makeup is very low-key, but I have yet to meet a person who has perfectly golden eyelids. That, my friends, is Make up Beauty

And remind me to get to researching how the phrase “not a stitch of makeup” became a phrase.

People, the only bagels I’m interested in are the above kind, not this kind.

Although I suppose that if someone wants to walk around looking like a Star Trek extra, it’s is a pretty good way to achieve that. Anyone else, you’d have to buy a wig to cover that up.

Last week’s poll found that the majority of you, 47%, disliked the term “witchy poo” when it came to describing long, gray hair. I would have to agree.  29% felt that it wasn’t a good look for someone over 40, while 22% disagreed.

Today I’ve got some Emmy beauty fails.

Oh sure, it’s got two hair elastics and some sort of plastic bag in a horrific print, but those are pretty much the only two things I’m excited about.

Black nail polish.  Yawn.

Regular old perfume sample of Kate Spade’s new perfume. Yawn.

Some sort of argan oil stuff for hair.  Meh, could be OK.

Then some teensy tiny plastic tub of skin cream.  Double yawn.

Seriously.

Instead of giving this company your hard-earned money, get your butt to a Sephora or any decent department store and ask for samples.  I guarantee that you will get bigger, better samples than what this company gives you.  There was zero name recognition on any of the products except for the Kate Spade.   I’m not up on every new beauty product, but I’d like to think I have more than just a passing knowledge.

It actually pains me that people are paying money for this stuff.

81% of you choose to keep your lady garden in its natural color state.  18% of you are at least not rejecting the idea outright.  To me, if it is safe and not too much of a hassle, I don’t see it as anything but some harmless fun.

Some beauty/style website I happened upon featured the above hair style as a “no no” for women over 40.  They called this hairstyle “witchy poo.”

And scares all the little children.

I’m going to go out on a limb and tag this photo as the main inspiration behind Kim’s look for a photo shoot:

I’m sorry, but Miss Diana has more talent and fierce diva-liciousness in her pinky toe than Kim Kardashian could ever hope to have.

Let us pray that Kim’s published photos are in black and white, for the sake of everyone’s retinas.

This time, the transformative powers of makeup failed to manifest…

Someone who knows me well gifted me with a three-month Birchbox subscription, and I just received my first box two days ago.   I’m a little too new to the whole Birchbox thing to pronounce judgement upon it yet, but I’ll be sure to do so when my subscription is up.

One of the products inside was Jouer Moisturizing Lip Gloss  in a bright fuchsia.   Not my normal go-to color, but I know that what the product looks like in the packaging doesn’t necessarily translate to what it looks like on your skin.  This would be one of those times.

It went on without any real tackiness (which I LOATHE in a lip gloss) but not in a way that I would call slick, either.  It was surprisingly thick in texture.  It had a fair amount of shine, and not a whole lot of color.   Even with the brightness, it barely made a color impact on my lips.   It was impressively shiny, so I suppose if you wanted a medium amount of color and a lot of shine, two coats might do the trick.

The size of the gloss was actually minuscule, almost like it belonged on a charm bracelet, which is fairly insulting because it isn’t like I was getting the product for free.  I’ve been given much bigger samples at the beauty counter and not had to pay a cent.

So, given the lack of color and the decision to provide such a small sample, I don’t think I will be purchasing this gloss any time soon.

Well, let me clarify.  I think that the actual products themselves, which are completely vegan, are a great idea.  Because of their non-chemical construction, you can wear the color pretty much anywhere, whether on your body, your eyes, lips, cheeks, wherever.  That part I like.  You may not truly wish to wear neon-green lipstick but you CAN IF YOU WANT TO, and that is the point here. I’m always a fan of multi-tasking makeup, and this stuff fits the bill.

But, the presentation that I was semi-forced to listen to in the store was so new-agey, so hokey, that I had a difficult time not rolling my eyes at the poor salesgirl who was probably just trying to earn a commission for herself.  Which I totally understand.  However, I was told by a complete stranger what my personality was like based on the three colors that I chose off a color wheel.  Whatever.  I don’t know why Lush figures that an elaborate sales pitch would help move what seems to be an already fairly impressive product.

If she had just told me that I could use the makeup anywhere for anything, there was a fairly good chance that I would have bought one just to try it out.

But the high-pressure sales pitch that claimed to know all about my subconscious completely turned me off and had me running out the door at the nearest, polite-est opportunity.

Lush, you may want to rethink this.

If you want to experience the color-wheel experience but without the well-meaning but annoying sales person, click here.

But it seems Kelly Osborne does!

I find it…disturbing.