
I refuse to wax.
I did it once, way back in college. Spas and salons as we know them now were not nearly as ubiquitous back in the Dark Ages, and certainly not within reach of my college-student budget. So I did it the old-fashioned way by visiting the drugstore and picking out what I believe was some Sally Hansen cold wax treatment.
I was afraid of the hot waxing, and so thinking I was going to minimize the pain, chose the cold route.
Big mistake.
I went into the bathroom, sat on the counter, and nervously applied some of the wax to my shin, which I figured was an area historically low on nerve endings. I quickly put the strip of paper over the area, and smoothed it vigorously, as instructed by the experts at Sally Hansen.
Well, the experts at Sally Hansen are apparently big into torture, because when I ripped off that strip of paper, I’m pretty sure my scream of pain rattled the windows of my apartment building.
To make it worse, I didn’t even get all the hair. I could still see random hairs on my leg, mocking me. This enraged me even more, as I was already irritated that I’d had to grow the hair out fairly long in order for the wax to be able to ”grab” it.
I don’t care if waxing makes your skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom. It’s not worth it.
Don’t even get me started on Brazilians. I don’t even want to think about Brazilians. I’ve had two C-sections in which relative strangers (the nurses, the anesthesiologist) have actually seen the insides of my body, not to mention my privates, and I consider most of my prudishness to have gone out the window after that. But to have someone apply wax to your nether regions and then cause you immense pain? That sounds a bit too personal. A least at the end of my surgeries I got a baby out of it.
I would think the salons would be having to pay people to get Brazilians, not the other way around.
Is body hair so evil that women allow themselves to be put through techniques that even the Dominicans would have approved of to remove it? Just to have it grow back and do it all over again?
When I have a fairly heavy-duty hair removal job that I don’t think shaving is adequate for, I will break out this stuff. It works like a charm. It doesn’t smell nearly as bad as it used to, and it is only a mere seven minutes or so of standing around and then I get to take a nice, relaxing warm shower to get the hair off.
It probably doesn’t leave the hair removal area as smooth for as long as waxing does, but the no-pain aspect is a fair trade-off in my world.