Manolo for the Beauty

Oh sure, it’s got two hair elastics and some sort of plastic bag in a horrific print, but those are pretty much the only two things I’m excited about.

Black nail polish.  Yawn.

Regular old perfume sample of Kate Spade’s new perfume. Yawn.

Some sort of argan oil stuff for hair.  Meh, could be OK.

Then some teensy tiny plastic tub of skin cream.  Double yawn.

Seriously.

Instead of giving this company your hard-earned money, get your butt to a Sephora or any decent department store and ask for samples.  I guarantee that you will get bigger, better samples than what this company gives you.  There was zero name recognition on any of the products except for the Kate Spade.   I’m not up on every new beauty product, but I’d like to think I have more than just a passing knowledge.

It actually pains me that people are paying money for this stuff.

Well, let me clarify.  I think that the actual products themselves, which are completely vegan, are a great idea.  Because of their non-chemical construction, you can wear the color pretty much anywhere, whether on your body, your eyes, lips, cheeks, wherever.  That part I like.  You may not truly wish to wear neon-green lipstick but you CAN IF YOU WANT TO, and that is the point here. I’m always a fan of multi-tasking makeup, and this stuff fits the bill.

But, the presentation that I was semi-forced to listen to in the store was so new-agey, so hokey, that I had a difficult time not rolling my eyes at the poor salesgirl who was probably just trying to earn a commission for herself.  Which I totally understand.  However, I was told by a complete stranger what my personality was like based on the three colors that I chose off a color wheel.  Whatever.  I don’t know why Lush figures that an elaborate sales pitch would help move what seems to be an already fairly impressive product.

If she had just told me that I could use the makeup anywhere for anything, there was a fairly good chance that I would have bought one just to try it out.

But the high-pressure sales pitch that claimed to know all about my subconscious completely turned me off and had me running out the door at the nearest, polite-est opportunity.

Lush, you may want to rethink this.

If you want to experience the color-wheel experience but without the well-meaning but annoying sales person, click here.

All around the web are cute little articles about how to wear your makeup to the beach.  Nude lips! Smudge-proof eye makeup! Waterproof mascara!

I am a native Southern Californian, and have been going to the beach year ’round my entire life.

Let me tell you a little secret to summer “beach makeup.”

Don’t wear any.

Seriously.

First, you are going to sweat.  It’s summer at the beach!  Unless you plan on parking yourself under your umbrella and never moving an inch the entire day, you are going to sweat, so don’t bother with foundation.  You could possibly wear a tinted sunscreen, but that is as far as you should take it.  If you go in the water, whatever you put on is toast anyway, and when you have to reapply after a couple of hours, there is no good way to do it.  A face that has a foundation/sand combo is not flattering. Just stick with sunscreen.

And mascara? Again, I don’t even bother.  Hours of being in the wind, water, and sun are going to ruin the hell out of even the best mascara.  Not to mention you are going to be wearing your sunglasses the entire time, so why bother?

As for lips, wearing any kind of lipstick is asking to look ridiculous after a while.  Wear the most moisturizing SPF lip balm with a self applicator you can find and leave it at that.

Unless you are at the beach to try and pick up some guys in less than a couple of hours, leave the makeup at home. This shouldn’t be harder than shopping for sneakers online at Def Shop.

And if you are at the beach just to pick up some guys, less is still more when it comes to the beach.   There was a time in my life when I thought it was a good idea to apply makeup when going to the beach, but I was instantly cured the second I looked at myself in the rear view mirror on the way home.

Well, we sorta already knew that, but the list was oh so very short.  Now the FDA has come out with a longer list, although there is a lot of brand repetition, there are scads of brands that weren’t even sampled once.  Which is a shame, because I’m dying to know how much lead is in my Guerlain Rouge G.  I’m a little weirded out that a brand I have never even heard of is represented multiple times, yet not one Urban Decay or Stila.

Go here for the full list.

Basically what I take away from the list is that the amount of lead you get in your lipstick is a total crap shoot.  Ranging from a high of 3.06 parts per million (ouch, Cover Girl!)  to a low of less than .026, there are some interesting numbers, indeed.  Wet n’ Wild, one of the cheapest brands, comes in with some very low ppm levels, while NARS comes in with a very high number.  Color isn’t a factor, a pink is as likely as a deep red to have high lead levels.  It isn’t color saturation, either, as the Burt’s Bees lip shimmers come in embarrassingly high for a brand touted as “natural” and therefore more healthy.

Eh, yeah, I don’t want to hear that lead is a natural substance.

I did learn, however, that M.A.C. is part of Estee Lauder, which I hadn’t known before.

Aside from that, throw caution to the wind when applying your lipstick ladies (and possibly men)!  There is absolutely no rhyme nor reason to the variance in lead levels that I can figure out, although admittedly my brain capacity for these types of things is low.

Have we all just decided that we don’t care about lead in our lipstick?  Or is this an area of concern for you?  Does the random nature of the lead levels annoy you as much as it annoys me?

Teenagers would be buying these in droves.  Which I don’t think they are.  Heck, I would be buying it in droves.   Hitting forty did nothing to stop blemishes, which is not how I imagined forty to be.

Some say the Tanda Zap works, others say it doesn’t.  Is it worth fifty bucks to find out?

Although as someone who grew up with some acne problems (not, thankfully, the cystic type) and a mother indifferent to the state of my skin, I have taken a vow to do whatever it takes to ensure that neither of my children have to endure unnecessary skin problems.

Hopefully they have inherited their dad’s skin, which is pretty much breakout-free.  And to think, he doesn’t even really wash his face!

“A little roughness, a little shine, a little cloudiness of skin, and one’s looks are gone!”

Poof! Just like that!

I thought this cover was absolutely stunning.

Until I noticed she only has one leg.

Seriously?

The people selling this product claim that by using this attractive gadget, also known as Nose Up Lifting Shaping Beauty Clip, for fifteen minutes a day can actually change the shape of your nose.  Just think of all those people who have paid a plastic surgeon. Fools! All they needed was this sixty-four cent piece of plastic that does not at all resemble a torture device.
What gets me are the semi-intelligible reviews on Amazon:

The clip is really working . i can feel the difference , its been around a week using this clip the change may not be visible but i can feel from within my nose has tightened a bit which was sagging earlier. This clip rocks !!!!

The change might not be visible but they can feel it! From the inside!

I wanted to order the nose huggie for so long but I was doubtful that such a little item could really change the shape of your nose and to my surprise the first week I saw a difference my nose started to take shape and looked thinner I am so pleased I love it and I would recommened it to anyone who has a wide or puggy nose and what is even more surprising is the price for the appearance you spend more on a value meal than what I purchased it for at amazon.com It’s awesome!!!!

You’re kidding me, right? The nose huggie!? And hey, everyone knows the best way to get people to buy a product is to insult them. Also, this person needs to get acquainted with periods.

I’ve been using this for a week, about an hour at a time. I have a very bulbous nose and this has made a small difference; my nose is more pointy. It don’t work on bone, just areas of the nose with cartilage. I have even in the past had a hard time drinking from soda cans because my nose gets in the way. But I’m finding it easier to drink from a can. That’s how I know it HAS worked. My nose isn’t as droopy. I’m wondering how permanent it is, though. Not sure if I done use it for a few days if it will go back?

Buddy, that is definitely one droopy nose. Maybe you do need this thing!

This makes about as much sense as buying it.

Good lord, I just don’t have enough hours in the day.

I already have a hard enough time keeping my feet and hands properly moisturized, much less making sure my teeth are an “acceptable” pearly white. Because the whitening industry would have you believe that anything less than that is just gross.

I don’t even use a whitening toothpaste.  The horror!  I do use a SonicCare toothbrush, which makes me feel a bit better about it, though.

During the run-up to my nuptials, I admit to using Crest Whitestrips for about a month.  I was concerned that my teeth might look bad in the photos when compared to my dress, and I was afraid that for all eternity, there would be photographic proof that I had horrible yellow teeth.

Of course, I didn’t really think I had horrible yellow teeth, I was just concerned in general that I needed to look good for my wedding photos, because I was only going to get one shot at them.  And I was paying enough money that those suckers were going to turn out perfect if it killed me.

Whitening strips aren’t the only way of getting whiter teeth, there are a number of different ways, most of them expensive.

I know that you can use baking soda, but it isn’t recommended as a long-term solution, as it can wear away your enamel.  You can also use hydrogen peroxide, but I’m always afraid I’m going to swallow it, and it’s one of those things that the more I think about NOT swallowing it, the more I feel like I’m going to. 

Yes, I might need to speak to a professional about that.

Mabye in a few years when my toddler isn’t quite so dependent upon me, I can get back to the slog of trying to coax my teeth to their whitest shade, but not right now.

It does sort of make me annoyed that we see celebrities with these perfect white teeth, but the reality is that almost all of them have veneers, which at a minimum of $500 per tooth, is pretty much out of my reach.

Do you whiten your teeth?  Or is a “whitening” toothpaste the farthest you’ll go?

At least, according to this article from The Telegraph.

I sort of get it, I really do.

It seems that many of the women featured in the article are almost afraid that wearing makeup will make people take them less seriously.  As if applying makeup will make them appear clownish and inauthentic. And there’s the rub.  Does wearing makeup automatically mean you are trying to hide something?  That you are uncomfortable in your skin and feel the need to present yourself differently to the world?

Maybe yes, and maybe no.

No doubt for many women, wearing makeup makes them feel more confident about themselves.  When you ask about the “fake” or “inauthentic” aspect of makeup, that’s when you get into some dicey territory.  Is wanting to cover up imperfections a sign of low self-esteem?

Let me ask myself.

Do I feel better after applying makeup? Yes.

Do I ever walk out of the house without it?  Very often, today in fact.

I don’t think wearing makeup is a problem unless you are using it as some sort of crutch, or if you don’t want anyone to see you without it. 

I have no issue with people who don’t want to wear makeup, I’m all about whatever makes that person comfortable.

But upon looking at the pictures of the women featured without makeup, I noticed that these women had fantastic skin. I looked high and low for discolorations, blemishes, or any other type of skin problems, and I had a hard time finding any.  Perhaps it was just some really good lighting, or excellent genetics, or a combination of both.

Part of me, though, wonders if they aren’t spending tons of money on services like masques and peels and goodness knows what else in lieu of makeup. 

It is definitely more expensive to visit a salon regularly to keep your skin looking fabulous without the “help” of makeup, and I can’t help but think that women on a lower socioeconomic rung don’t have that option, but can usually buy some foundation and concealer that will last them a few months.

If wearing no makeup becomes completely trendy, I have the feeling that only a few will be able to afford it.