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Tuesday Beauty Poll

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
By Glinda

Well hello there! Long time no see!  Well, that was actually all my fault, but I’m ready and raring to go here in 2012.

Our last poll was about metallic makeup and if women past a “certain age” should take a pass on it.  Interesting, it seems no one can ever agree when that “certain age” begins, though.  Young people and older people alike think it means everybody but them!

The voting was a bit tight, with 41% saying metallics should be given the heave whenever that nebulous age is reached, while 58% say anything goes.  I’d like to join the 58% and say that if you are still interested in wearing makeup at 80, you can wear whatever the hell you like.

Today, Kate Shapland at The Telegraph gave a list of the worst beauty trends of 2011, and I’d like to hear your thoughts.  I didn’t include all of them, because ‘Scouse brow isn’t really being done here.


Product Review: Sephora by OPI Nail Color

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
By Glinda

I had a nice little discount given to me by Sephora a few weeks back, and you know when you have to reach a certain amount of money and your’re just looking for some little thing to bridge the gap? Well, Sephora by OPI nail color was that item for me.

I chose “Make the First Mauve” which, as a name, is just a bit much for me. The color is kind of nice, a bit darker than I usually use on my hands, but it definitely grew on me. It’s a grey-ish purple, perfect for winter.

Part of the reason I so rarely use nail polish on my hands is that I don’t like spending the money for base and top coats, and I wash my hands a LOT. So even though it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, I base my nail polish reviews on how long a polish lasts without any “help.”

Well, Sephora by OPI lasted less than a day before it started chipping. Yes, it’s a dark color. No, I didn’t use a top coat. But I truly think less than a day is pretty unacceptable no matter what.

I like the formula, I like the color, but I HATE the quality.

So, I must give this nail color a thumbs down.


The Scrolldown “Wha..?”

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
By Glinda

I thought this cover was absolutely stunning.

Until I noticed she only has one leg.


Karl Lagerfeld For Sephora

Thursday, November 17th, 2011
By Glinda

Have you been feeling a little evil lately?  How about judgemental?  Or maybe your ego is getting to be the size of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.

Then have I got the makeup for you.

Introducing Karl Lagerfeld for Sephora.

This looks wrong, very wrong

Because everybody wants to take a swipe at Karl, right?

The perfect gift for your non-sleeping toddler, a Kuddly Karl doll!  That’ll teach the little squirt to stop making a fuss at bedtime. “Go to sleep, or I will bring out Uncle Karl!”

And the snowglobe is simply the product of a very deranged mind.

Just the thing I want to see right before I put my makeup on. “YOU. NOT PRETTY ENOUGH. TRY AGAIN. AND AGAIN… FAIL.”

Only Europe is lucky enough to have access to these.


The “Nose Huggie”

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
By Glinda

Seriously?

The people selling this product claim that by using this attractive gadget, also known as Nose Up Lifting Shaping Beauty Clip, for fifteen minutes a day can actually change the shape of your nose.  Just think of all those people who have paid a plastic surgeon. Fools! All they needed was this sixty-four cent piece of plastic that does not at all resemble a torture device.
What gets me are the semi-intelligible reviews on Amazon:

The clip is really working . i can feel the difference , its been around a week using this clip the change may not be visible but i can feel from within my nose has tightened a bit which was sagging earlier. This clip rocks !!!!

The change might not be visible but they can feel it! From the inside!

I wanted to order the nose huggie for so long but I was doubtful that such a little item could really change the shape of your nose and to my surprise the first week I saw a difference my nose started to take shape and looked thinner I am so pleased I love it and I would recommened it to anyone who has a wide or puggy nose and what is even more surprising is the price for the appearance you spend more on a value meal than what I purchased it for at amazon.com It’s awesome!!!!

You’re kidding me, right? The nose huggie!? And hey, everyone knows the best way to get people to buy a product is to insult them. Also, this person needs to get acquainted with periods.

I’ve been using this for a week, about an hour at a time. I have a very bulbous nose and this has made a small difference; my nose is more pointy. It don’t work on bone, just areas of the nose with cartilage. I have even in the past had a hard time drinking from soda cans because my nose gets in the way. But I’m finding it easier to drink from a can. That’s how I know it HAS worked. My nose isn’t as droopy. I’m wondering how permanent it is, though. Not sure if I done use it for a few days if it will go back?

Buddy, that is definitely one droopy nose. Maybe you do need this thing!

This makes about as much sense as buying it.


Sad Model is Sad

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011
By Glinda

Alison Nix Harper's Sad

Because nothing makes me want to whip out my credit card and buy an expensive dress like a model who looks like she lost her job, her boyfriend, and her puppy on the same day.


Big Hair, Is it Back?

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011
By Glinda

That is the question on the Telegraph’s mind, after seeing not only Elle Mcpherson with huge curls:

But also SJP doing some sort of crazy bouffant:

Now, both of these looks are extremely high maintenance and to me, ill-timed.

Where I live, it is going to start getting hot within the next month or so, and who the heck can wear their hair down in voluminous curls when the thermometer tops out at ninety or above?

Although both of these women could easily afford to hire someone to walk around with them, blowing a portable fan in their direction at all times.

The rest of us, not so much.

I think I would melt if I walked around in the summer heat with my hair down, not to mention the fact that there is NO WAY the hairspray would last longer than an hour.

My summer hairstyle is up in a ponytail, and I dress it up if needed by wearing it with something fancier than a plain Goody elastic. If I’m feeling a little carefree, I’ll do a lopsided bun.

I must also add that Elle is wearing high-waisted jeans with two very large pockets with buttons on the front, a look in which only .01% of the population could pull off.


Brooklyn Decker Stole My Haircut

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011
By Glinda

Readers of this blog will remember back in the beginning of March, I had quite the bit of hair-related angst going on, as evidenced by this Monday Beauty Poll.  Based on the overwhelming positive votes given to a fairly drastic hair change, on March 4 I entered my salon and entrusted my new hairstyle to my longtime stylist.

I had no idea what she was going to do, I just told her to chop a bunch of hair off and that I knew she would do me right.  My hair had been long, all one length, and I told her she could layer it, which was a big deal for me.  My only requirement was that I needed enough length to put it up in a ponytail.

When she did the dramatic chair turnaround a la What Not to Wear, I really didn’t know if I liked it or not.  It was choppy, much shorter, and it was a look I had never seen on myself.  It also didn’t help that she styled it to look a bit like Jennifer Aniston’s hair on Friends, which I disliked.   I walked out of the salon slightly traumatized, reminding myself that it was, after all, only hair.  I reassured myself that it would grow back in no time.

But then the next day I washed it out, styled it myself, and eventually I discovered that I loved my new haircut.  Like really REALLY loved it.  It made me look younger, it had tons of movement, and my husband even liked it just as much as my old style.

Then, on March 23, along came goddamn Brooklyn Decker.

“BROOKLYN DECKER CUTS HAIR!” screamed all of the headlines.  I’m not a big peruser of Sports Illustrated, so I didn’t really know who she was, but I looked at the photo of her and gasped.

She had MY HAIR.

Oh sure, the back of hers is a bit shorter, but from the front, our hair looks exactly the same.  The color is pretty close too, except hers is a bit lighter.

Except I did it first!

But nobody except my friends and family know that.  The people at the grocery store don’t know.  Nor the people at the bank, or the restaurant.

So of course, now everybody thinks that I, the 40 year old mother of two, copied the young bikini model’s haircut in order to breathe some vitality into my decrepit lifestyle.

Curse you, Brooklyn Decker!  It wasn’t enough that you were born genetically blessed, are married to a multimillionaire sports figure, and are now pursuing a serious acting career.

Oh no, you had to go and snatch this poor suburban housewife’s moment away from her in your perfectly manicured hands.  People now look at me and think, oh, how cute she looks with Brooklyn Decker’s haircut.

Thanks a lot.

Bitch.


Presenting The Thirty Dollar Deoderant

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
By Glinda

Like everyone else I know, I sweat. Sometimes I sweat more than others, but cute names aside, I don’t know that I’d ever consider paying thirty bucks for a deoderant.  Unless angels sing the Hallelujah chorus whenever I lift up my arms.  Then I might consider it. Briefly.

Now, it supposedly also has hair-minimizing properties, but most of the reviews were a bit sketchy on the details for that aspect of the product.

A percentage of the proceeds (what percentage is not stated) goes to the Jane Goodall Foundation. I’m thinking that if supporting that charity was one of the main reasons for buying this, then you would probably be better off buying a four dollar deoderant and donating the money you would have spent.

Can a deoderant ever really be worth thirty dollars?

Do tell!


Is the Perm REALLY Back?

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011
By Glinda

Not too long ago, the New York times ran an article that said perms are back with a vengeance, baby.

Except they’ve been saying that since 2008.

And it still hasn’t happened.  I come in contact with more than my fair share of trendy, hip women and not one of them has a perm. 

It’s because we are scarred.

How could we not be?

I was a willing victim of the spiral perm in the late 80’s/early 90’s and I will never forget having to sit there, holding a strip of cotton in a death grip against my forehead, desperately hoping that the steaming, stinky perm solution wouldn’t run down my face and burn me. 

God, it was awful.

I can still smell it to this day.

But my hair has always been very straight and at the time, curls were where it was at. 

Supposedly the “new” perm is a softer, gentler sort of perm that leaves your hair looking more after-the-beach than anything else.

Call me cynical, but it seems that the looser the initial curl, the more quickly it will fall out?  That was why everybody loved those spirals because damn, it took months for that stuff to relax.  You felt like you were getting your money’s worth.  But I do remember it being hell to grow it out when I decided I was done with the permed look.

What say you? Are perms back or are they just trying to convince us they are?












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