Manolo for the Beauty

Uhhh, yeah, I don’t know who is getting paid to write stuff like that when these celebrities CLEARLY have makeup on. Yes, it is natural-looking, but nobody has pink shiny lips without some kind of assistance. Not even Jessica Biel. Er, Timberlake.  Whatever.

It started with this photo of Cindy Crawford. “CINDY HAS NOT A STITCH OF MAKEUP ON!” the article screamed. Uh, no, she does. It’s a bit hard to see in this photo, and the makeup is very low-key, but I have yet to meet a person who has perfectly golden eyelids. That, my friends, is Make up Beauty

And remind me to get to researching how the phrase “not a stitch of makeup” became a phrase.

It was almost a three-way tie! 33% of you said that a french manicure is a timeless classic, while the exact same amount said it was never all that to begin with.  32% said it was passe.  So, if you add up the two “negative” categories, I’m afraid it isn’t looking too good for the french manicure.

Would you be willing to try the candy supplement beloved of Brazilian supermodels?  Beauty candy, that is? These “candies” contain vitamins and collagen, for starters.

Oh sure, it’s got two hair elastics and some sort of plastic bag in a horrific print, but those are pretty much the only two things I’m excited about.

Black nail polish.  Yawn.

Regular old perfume sample of Kate Spade’s new perfume. Yawn.

Some sort of argan oil stuff for hair.  Meh, could be OK.

Then some teensy tiny plastic tub of skin cream.  Double yawn.

Seriously.

Instead of giving this company your hard-earned money, get your butt to a Sephora or any decent department store and ask for samples.  I guarantee that you will get bigger, better samples than what this company gives you.  There was zero name recognition on any of the products except for the Kate Spade.   I’m not up on every new beauty product, but I’d like to think I have more than just a passing knowledge.

It actually pains me that people are paying money for this stuff.

Well, we sorta already knew that, but the list was oh so very short.  Now the FDA has come out with a longer list, although there is a lot of brand repetition, there are scads of brands that weren’t even sampled once.  Which is a shame, because I’m dying to know how much lead is in my Guerlain Rouge G.  I’m a little weirded out that a brand I have never even heard of is represented multiple times, yet not one Urban Decay or Stila.

Go here for the full list.

Basically what I take away from the list is that the amount of lead you get in your lipstick is a total crap shoot.  Ranging from a high of 3.06 parts per million (ouch, Cover Girl!)  to a low of less than .026, there are some interesting numbers, indeed.  Wet n’ Wild, one of the cheapest brands, comes in with some very low ppm levels, while NARS comes in with a very high number.  Color isn’t a factor, a pink is as likely as a deep red to have high lead levels.  It isn’t color saturation, either, as the Burt’s Bees lip shimmers come in embarrassingly high for a brand touted as “natural” and therefore more healthy.

Eh, yeah, I don’t want to hear that lead is a natural substance.

I did learn, however, that M.A.C. is part of Estee Lauder, which I hadn’t known before.

Aside from that, throw caution to the wind when applying your lipstick ladies (and possibly men)!  There is absolutely no rhyme nor reason to the variance in lead levels that I can figure out, although admittedly my brain capacity for these types of things is low.

Have we all just decided that we don’t care about lead in our lipstick?  Or is this an area of concern for you?  Does the random nature of the lead levels annoy you as much as it annoys me?

“A little roughness, a little shine, a little cloudiness of skin, and one’s looks are gone!”

Poof! Just like that!

I thought this cover was absolutely stunning.

Until I noticed she only has one leg.

Now when I first saw this deal, I was really excited.  I thought that e.l.f. was offering a very large palette for $3.50.  I mean, they ARE, but you have to spend $25.00 to get that price, and I have to say that kind of annoys me.

I wouldn’t call it a true bait-and-switch, but still.

I’d like it better if they just tossed it in for free if you purchased X amount of product.  I just like free things better than things I have to pay for, even if it isn’t a whole lot.  Does that make me wrong?

A long time ago, I remember when Lancome used to give out free baguettes (and maybe a tote bag) for purchasese over $50.00, or something like that.  Bread, for god’s sake, and I recall hordes of women hitting the counters. They don’t do that any more, do they?  Tells you how long it’s been since I’ve shopped at a department store for makeup.

But, here’s the link in case you are interested.  Oh, and you’ve only got a few days left.

Seriously?

The people selling this product claim that by using this attractive gadget, also known as Nose Up Lifting Shaping Beauty Clip, for fifteen minutes a day can actually change the shape of your nose.  Just think of all those people who have paid a plastic surgeon. Fools! All they needed was this sixty-four cent piece of plastic that does not at all resemble a torture device.
What gets me are the semi-intelligible reviews on Amazon:

The clip is really working . i can feel the difference , its been around a week using this clip the change may not be visible but i can feel from within my nose has tightened a bit which was sagging earlier. This clip rocks !!!!

The change might not be visible but they can feel it! From the inside!

I wanted to order the nose huggie for so long but I was doubtful that such a little item could really change the shape of your nose and to my surprise the first week I saw a difference my nose started to take shape and looked thinner I am so pleased I love it and I would recommened it to anyone who has a wide or puggy nose and what is even more surprising is the price for the appearance you spend more on a value meal than what I purchased it for at amazon.com It’s awesome!!!!

You’re kidding me, right? The nose huggie!? And hey, everyone knows the best way to get people to buy a product is to insult them. Also, this person needs to get acquainted with periods.

I’ve been using this for a week, about an hour at a time. I have a very bulbous nose and this has made a small difference; my nose is more pointy. It don’t work on bone, just areas of the nose with cartilage. I have even in the past had a hard time drinking from soda cans because my nose gets in the way. But I’m finding it easier to drink from a can. That’s how I know it HAS worked. My nose isn’t as droopy. I’m wondering how permanent it is, though. Not sure if I done use it for a few days if it will go back?

Buddy, that is definitely one droopy nose. Maybe you do need this thing!

This makes about as much sense as buying it.

Good lord, I just don’t have enough hours in the day.

I already have a hard enough time keeping my feet and hands properly moisturized, much less making sure my teeth are an “acceptable” pearly white. Because the whitening industry would have you believe that anything less than that is just gross.

I don’t even use a whitening toothpaste.  The horror!  I do use a SonicCare toothbrush, which makes me feel a bit better about it, though.

During the run-up to my nuptials, I admit to using Crest Whitestrips for about a month.  I was concerned that my teeth might look bad in the photos when compared to my dress, and I was afraid that for all eternity, there would be photographic proof that I had horrible yellow teeth.

Of course, I didn’t really think I had horrible yellow teeth, I was just concerned in general that I needed to look good for my wedding photos, because I was only going to get one shot at them.  And I was paying enough money that those suckers were going to turn out perfect if it killed me.

Whitening strips aren’t the only way of getting whiter teeth, there are a number of different ways, most of them expensive.

I know that you can use baking soda, but it isn’t recommended as a long-term solution, as it can wear away your enamel.  You can also use hydrogen peroxide, but I’m always afraid I’m going to swallow it, and it’s one of those things that the more I think about NOT swallowing it, the more I feel like I’m going to. 

Yes, I might need to speak to a professional about that.

Mabye in a few years when my toddler isn’t quite so dependent upon me, I can get back to the slog of trying to coax my teeth to their whitest shade, but not right now.

It does sort of make me annoyed that we see celebrities with these perfect white teeth, but the reality is that almost all of them have veneers, which at a minimum of $500 per tooth, is pretty much out of my reach.

Do you whiten your teeth?  Or is a “whitening” toothpaste the farthest you’ll go?

There is no racial diversity in these ads from the early 1900’s, but I still find them fascinating. It wasn’t until around the turn of the century that beauty and hygiene ads went from a laundry list of ingredients and their effects to the picture-based, aspirational ones we still see today.

I love this. “Fate cannot harm you!” That is some powerful stuff.

“Used by those you admire” and served by children (cherubs?) with no underpants. Classy.

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