Manolo for the Beauty

Uhhh, yeah, I don’t know who is getting paid to write stuff like that when these celebrities CLEARLY have makeup on. Yes, it is natural-looking, but nobody has pink shiny lips without some kind of assistance. Not even Jessica Biel. Er, Timberlake.  Whatever.

It started with this photo of Cindy Crawford. “CINDY HAS NOT A STITCH OF MAKEUP ON!” the article screamed. Uh, no, she does. It’s a bit hard to see in this photo, and the makeup is very low-key, but I have yet to meet a person who has perfectly golden eyelids. That, my friends, is Make up Beauty

And remind me to get to researching how the phrase “not a stitch of makeup” became a phrase.

People, the only bagels I’m interested in are the above kind, not this kind.

Although I suppose that if someone wants to walk around looking like a Star Trek extra, it’s is a pretty good way to achieve that. Anyone else, you’d have to buy a wig to cover that up.

Someone who knows me well gifted me with a three-month Birchbox subscription, and I just received my first box two days ago.   I’m a little too new to the whole Birchbox thing to pronounce judgement upon it yet, but I’ll be sure to do so when my subscription is up.

One of the products inside was Jouer Moisturizing Lip Gloss  in a bright fuchsia.   Not my normal go-to color, but I know that what the product looks like in the packaging doesn’t necessarily translate to what it looks like on your skin.  This would be one of those times.

It went on without any real tackiness (which I LOATHE in a lip gloss) but not in a way that I would call slick, either.  It was surprisingly thick in texture.  It had a fair amount of shine, and not a whole lot of color.   Even with the brightness, it barely made a color impact on my lips.   It was impressively shiny, so I suppose if you wanted a medium amount of color and a lot of shine, two coats might do the trick.

The size of the gloss was actually minuscule, almost like it belonged on a charm bracelet, which is fairly insulting because it isn’t like I was getting the product for free.  I’ve been given much bigger samples at the beauty counter and not had to pay a cent.

So, given the lack of color and the decision to provide such a small sample, I don’t think I will be purchasing this gloss any time soon.

Well, let me clarify.  I think that the actual products themselves, which are completely vegan, are a great idea.  Because of their non-chemical construction, you can wear the color pretty much anywhere, whether on your body, your eyes, lips, cheeks, wherever.  That part I like.  You may not truly wish to wear neon-green lipstick but you CAN IF YOU WANT TO, and that is the point here. I’m always a fan of multi-tasking makeup, and this stuff fits the bill.

But, the presentation that I was semi-forced to listen to in the store was so new-agey, so hokey, that I had a difficult time not rolling my eyes at the poor salesgirl who was probably just trying to earn a commission for herself.  Which I totally understand.  However, I was told by a complete stranger what my personality was like based on the three colors that I chose off a color wheel.  Whatever.  I don’t know why Lush figures that an elaborate sales pitch would help move what seems to be an already fairly impressive product.

If she had just told me that I could use the makeup anywhere for anything, there was a fairly good chance that I would have bought one just to try it out.

But the high-pressure sales pitch that claimed to know all about my subconscious completely turned me off and had me running out the door at the nearest, polite-est opportunity.

Lush, you may want to rethink this.

If you want to experience the color-wheel experience but without the well-meaning but annoying sales person, click here.

This is what hair done by architechts looks like.

I’m thinking that other than the last look, which I find pretty cool, they should probably stick to their day jobs.

I was very surprised, well shocked actually, to read that a full 61% of you do not use self tanner. To hear the beauty industry go on about self tanners, you would think everybody uses them. Well, what can I say, I don’t use them either. 29% carry on an illicit affair with self tanner, 6% have sworn never again, and only 2% describe your relationship with self tanner as wonderful. Wow. That says a lot about the state of self tanners, I think.

Today I want to know how you feel about the movie industry butting its head into the beauty world…

I hope your holiday weekend was better than mine, as I wept copious tears from being reprimanded not once, but twice, for misspelling the word “fluorescent” on last week’s poll.  Damn these embedded polls and the lack of spellchecking thereof!  And why yes, yes I was too busy dealing with sick husbands and children to look the word up, so you will have to comfort yourself with the fact that I don’t think I will ever misspell that word again, simply due to trauma.

I kid, of course.

Well, it seems that not ONE PERSON is completely into fluorescent makeup, which I find interesting, indeed.   48% of you deemed it a trend worthy of only your nails, if that.  17% denied it a place at all, and 33% of you were bitter that it managed to resurrect itself from the 80’s.

Having heard the hype about this lip balm, I was excited to receive it as a “birthday gift” from Sephora.  Of course I had to buy something to get my gift, but whatever.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t quite live up.

It does go on nicely, I will give it that.  It also has a screw-on cap that makes it perfect for purses.

But that’s about all.

I’m not a fan of lemon scents, so it immediately gets a minus from me on that, although some of you may love it.

I don’t find this product to be long-lasting in any way.  If there is one thing I look for in a lip balm, it is that I don’t have to keep reapplying it.  For me, this stuff lasts for about a half hour, and then my lips feel as dry as if I’d never put anything on at all.  BIG minus.

Chapstick will save you a bunch of money and works better.

Or, if you prefer pricey balms, I highly recommend this one.

I don’t know how this particular product managed to escape (har har) me, but seriously, who thought this was a good idea? Rapper Akon has sued the company he was in negotiations with for producing a perfume, but he alleges they went ahead and did this all on their own.

Yeah, I would sue too.

Apparently scented nail polish is becoming a “thing.”

Really?

Because unless you spend all day with your hands cradling your face, I fail to see how scented nails could impact you in any way.

And to be honest, the thought of eating and having a scent wafting in my nostrils as I’m lifting my fork to my mouth is not at all appealing.

This is definitely one trend I won’t be following.