Brooklyn Decker Stole My Haircut
By Glinda
Readers of this blog will remember back in the beginning of March, I had quite the bit of hair-related angst going on, as evidenced by this Monday Beauty Poll. Based on the overwhelming positive votes given to a fairly drastic hair change, on March 4 I entered my salon and entrusted my new hairstyle to my longtime stylist.
I had no idea what she was going to do, I just told her to chop a bunch of hair off and that I knew she would do me right. My hair had been long, all one length, and I told her she could layer it, which was a big deal for me. My only requirement was that I needed enough length to put it up in a ponytail.
When she did the dramatic chair turnaround a la What Not to Wear, I really didn’t know if I liked it or not. It was choppy, much shorter, and it was a look I had never seen on myself. It also didn’t help that she styled it to look a bit like Jennifer Aniston’s hair on Friends, which I disliked. I walked out of the salon slightly traumatized, reminding myself that it was, after all, only hair. I reassured myself that it would grow back in no time.
But then the next day I washed it out, styled it myself, and eventually I discovered that I loved my new haircut. Like really REALLY loved it. It made me look younger, it had tons of movement, and my husband even liked it just as much as my old style.
Then, on March 23, along came goddamn Brooklyn Decker.
“BROOKLYN DECKER CUTS HAIR!” screamed all of the headlines. I’m not a big peruser of Sports Illustrated, so I didn’t really know who she was, but I looked at the photo of her and gasped.
She had MY HAIR.
Oh sure, the back of hers is a bit shorter, but from the front, our hair looks exactly the same. The color is pretty close too, except hers is a bit lighter.
Except I did it first!
But nobody except my friends and family know that. The people at the grocery store don’t know. Nor the people at the bank, or the restaurant.
So of course, now everybody thinks that I, the 40 year old mother of two, copied the young bikini model’s haircut in order to breathe some vitality into my decrepit lifestyle.
Curse you, Brooklyn Decker! It wasn’t enough that you were born genetically blessed, are married to a multimillionaire sports figure, and are now pursuing a serious acting career.
Oh no, you had to go and snatch this poor suburban housewife’s moment away from her in your perfectly manicured hands. People now look at me and think, oh, how cute she looks with Brooklyn Decker’s haircut.
Thanks a lot.
Bitch.
April 12th, 2011 at 7:53 am
It’s a great cut- sexy and versatile. If I decide to go this short, I will march into my salon and ask for the Glinda!
April 12th, 2011 at 8:56 am
Brooklyn who?
That hair cut started out life as a generic Jennifer Aniston, revisited. You made it your own. If you must, just prepare a little speech. Say, “No, this Brooklyn person decided to wear her hair the same way I wear mine”. When you’re at the forefront of anything, honey, you’ll find you have a lot of educating to do.
April 12th, 2011 at 1:16 pm
That hair is darling. Have fun with it and mercilessly tease anyone that thinks BD was your style template.
And what is it with hair stylists that give you a great cut and then style it into oblivion? I have difficult hair and have found someone that cuts it wonderfully, but then she styles it into this Florence Hendersonesque horror helmet. Why do they DO that?
April 15th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
Maybe it’s the no makeup face, but that hair is nothing exciting to me. It looks like bedhead, but not stylish bedhead.
The Jimbles – TOTALLY agree! I’ve had maybe 5 hairdressers that I went to steadily over the years, and they could cut & color just fine, but the styling was never quiet right. I actually stopped my current hairdresser during my last appointment, saying “Um I’m sorry, I don’t like the way you are styling it, can you please xyz?” She looked at me like I had sprouted a 2nd head (which she would have styled poorly too no doubt). She seemed a little hurt but then did what I asked, and commented that no one had ever said that to her before. First time for everything!